Previously on Lipstick Jungle...
"Out with the old, in with the 'ew"'?
I mean, that's just mean. This business is mean.
A man named Hachiro will be there in ten minutes.
Be ready.
I don't like to be rescued. I rescue myself.
Would you relax?
It just seems like you're grooming Mike to become creative director.
I think you need someone with a vision.
Your first time. What?
Cheating on your husband.
I'm going to bed.
Good night, honey. Night.
You have no idea how proud of you I am.
You're gonna keep rising and rising, and I'm gonna be here.
I'm gonna be looking for Spider-Man Band-Aids.
I've just got to make peace with that.
Is it good?
$40 million opening weekend.
It's terrific.
Does that mean pancakes?
40 million of them.
Ask Hirsh if he can move the Wyatt feature,
so that he can meet Frank Gehry in Madrid.
And then...
Check Gail Begley's schedule. Fly her out at 9:00.
Frank Gehry never eats before midnight.
Hello?
You allergic to shellfish?
What time is it?
I know a place that does the best stone crabs on the planet.
I will have a car pick you up at 9:00.
We will be in South Beach by noon.
You want me to go to lunch in Miami?
Have you back by 4:00.
Joe as much as I would like to run away right now, it's not gonna happen.
Come on.
I just pink-slipped 15 employees and moved my office to my house.
I'm down to one assistant and 26 boxes.
Boring. - Middle of the road. Go!
What about dinner?
In what zip code?
Yours.
I'll pick you up at 7:00.
Wear something that comes off easily.
He's the devil.
Morning. Morning.
I rescheduled your 9:00.
Why?
Thought you'd want to stop by Hector's office. Mike's in there.
What happened? Not sure.
I think we lost Prince William and his crumpets.
How did we lose him?
Well, apparently, we never had them.
Lan Craig never returned signed contracts,
and now Tatler's proposed something more enticing.
Who's lan Craig?
He the Prince's press secretary.
And you proposed to put them on the cover without a contract?
Well, we've done it before based on good faith.
The royal handlers move like snails. We can't force the issue.
But this issue has a royal theme.
Who do we plan on using if Prince Will defects?
Queen Latifah?
Do we know why he's leaning towards the other magazine?
They preferred their approach. They said ours was stodgy.
"Stodgy"?
His words or yours? They're young.
They want to be perceived as hip and edgy and progressive.
Who doesn't?
Well, if we're too stiff, then we'll just loosen up. I've done loose.
Yes, but if we've already lost them...
No! We haven't.
Let me make two calls. I hired Patty Bloom to shoot this.
She does anything but stodgy.
His Royal Highness will have new concept boards by the end of the day.
You know, Nico, if you'd prefer to just focus on the creative end,
I can call the Prince's press secretary.
I have his number. Thanks.
All right. It was really good.
Thank you.
Hello. Hi.
Morning.
Hello.
Okay, Josh, what's going on?
What do you mean?
Well, am I the only one tracking the weekend box office?
We made $40 million on a Western.
How come you people aren't dancing in the end zone?
Morning.
Were we expecting a movie about a suicidal cowboy to do better?
I take it you haven't seen this. What is it?
Unpublished novel submitted for the weekend read.
We in a bidding war?
No. I think you'll pass on this.
Then why do I have to hold it?
'Cause it seems to be a thinly veiled account of your life,
and it's a little harsh.
Sal, why are you talking to me like I'm on Thorazine? What is this?
Do you know the writer?
Mariska Havel. She was my nanny.
Oh, boy.
What is this, some kind of joke?
Only if you think it's funny she describes you as
"shallow as a bedpan and twice as cold." Page 17.
Part of me wonders why we even brought this stuff here.
I'm trying to reinvent myself.
Why am I hanging on to all this?
Because it's your work, and it's genius.
Remind me to give you a big fat Christmas bonus this year.
You'll still come to the Christmas party if it's just us, right?
Of course.
Reese?
Did someone offer you a job?
What? No.
And even if they did, I wouldn't take it.
So, who is it?
Stella McCartney? Viktor & Rolf?
If it's Betsey Johnson, I'll throw myself on these scissors.
I am not even considering it.
Well, if they let you design, you have to consider it.
But I can't leave you right now.
There's still so much...
Honey, stop. I'll be fine.
I can't hold you back.
This is absurd.
Mariska would never write a novel.
She couldn't write a grocery list.
She barely spoke English when I hired her.
I guess she had an axe to grind.
No, that is not Mariska. She's a gentle, sweet soul.
She wouldn't kill a cockroach. So, why'd you fire her?
She wouldn't kill a cockroach.
She left crumbs everywhere. Shane wanted to fire her after a week.
What did she say about Shane?
Yeah, I don't think you want to read this.
Listen, the question is, do you wanna take legal action?
Who's the publisher? I don't know.
It was submitted by an agent I've never heard of.
Freddy DeValla? Who's he with?
Look, I'm betting it was sent here
so your former employee could nail you for a hefty severance package.
I am not going to be blackmailed.
Good for you. Listen, okay?
In 20 minutes we've got a meeting with Hector, and I've got a lot to prep.
All right? And by the way, this is a day of celebration.
Oh, I'm dancing on the inside. I am. See you in 20.
Okay.
Patty Blook, flying in.
Great.
Oh, hey. Hey. Hey.
Thanks for coming up here. Yeah, no problem.
I get it. They're royalty, we're peasants.
Listen, I hope you don't mind. I dragged my assistant.
Yeah. Kirby Atwood, Nico Reilly.
Nice to meet you.
Let's go for a steamier setting.
There's this fabulous pool in Palm Springs,
the one with the portholes in the downstairs bar. Very sexy.
I could shoot flowing hair, legs, nipples, lips.
He's got great lips, very kissable.
Is he hairy?
Who? The Prince.
Oh, well, I would... I don't know.
I like the pool for the layout, but let's talk cover.
Well, if we land on desert, we can do casino.
Put the Prince's babe in something diaphanous.
Put the future king in a tux,
burying her with poker chips. Go for that James Bond thingy.
If they want to get really hip and edgy,
then let's have them riding naked
into some sleepy, Scottish village on a Harley hog.
Put them in nothing but helmets.
Rule Britannia!
Oh, see? The young ones like that.
And that's who you're out to bag, right?
I won't be long.
Can I bring you back salad or something?
I'll find something in the fridge.
My fridge?
Do you eat baking soda?
Right. I'll order in.
When do they want you to start?
Soon. Like tomorrow.
God, I already miss you.
Don't. We are not saying goodbye.
Mind if I take this with me?
I'd hate it if you didn't. Just take whatever you want. I mean it.
Leave something though, so you have a reason to come back and visit.
Totally. I'll have something to you by 3:00.
You're the best. Thanks, Patty. Okay.
Nice meeting you.
Likewise.
Kirby.
Listen to me. It's not gonna happen again.
That was a one-time... I'm married.
I forgot my notes.
This is so wrong. Has Shane seen it?
I read that passage to him over the phone.
He laughed.
I'm trying to protect my family, and he thinks it's a big joke.
Did you read him the part
where she calls him a "neutered hound dog"?
I thought I'd save something for pillow talk.
I can't go back to the office. Everyone's read it.
Even the mail boy was smirking.
Now you're paranoid. Ralph has a tic.
Does she mention me and Nico?
I'm still on Chapter 3.
I couldn't get past the section
where she said that I only cook my children breakfast,
so I can admire my reflection in the toaster.
You do that, too?
Wendy, everyone that knows you, knows that you're a great mother.
So you say, but every morning, I bring my son to school at 7:45,
and I rush off to a breakfast meeting.
By the time I come home, he's asleep.
Shane gets bathtime, booktime, bedtime.
Look, if you're that concerned about the book, kill it now.
I would love to. How?
Pay your ex-nanny a surprise visit. Scare her.
Burn a green card in her face.
She'll toss every last copy off the Brooklyn Bridge.
Can we order a bottle of wine?
I thought you wanted a fast lunch.
No, I have nothing to rush back for. My assistant's gone,
my phone's got rigor mortis, and three weeks from now
I'll be folding sweaters at the Gap.
Victory, it's called a transition.
Downsizing to a smaller office is a transition,
making dresses in your kitchen is called Mildred Pierce.
I thought she made pies. Whatever.
Aren't you designing a new line?
I'm trying to, but everything that I sketch just seems so over,
and now I don't even have Reese to kick me in the ass anymore.
You don't need Reese for that. That's our job.
You need inspiration, you need to get out of your house.
Go take a subway. Go to the museum.
Can I do that with a glass of wine?
You think a lot about money, don't you, Regi?
You've got it. You don't have to think about it. Sugar?
Two, please. And lemon.
I thought girls your age always thought about love.
Oh, love. I don't want anything to do with it.
Patty Bloom's got a new concept board. Should I send a messenger?
Right away. Thanks.
Marva, forget the messenger. I have business downtown.
I'll swing by and pick them up myself.
Hey. That was fast.
I don't have a lot of time. Where's Patty?
Jersey, scouting locations, but she left me in charge.
Want to see what we've come up with?
What are you doing? Kirby?
Oh, relax. There's no one else here but us.
Look, I meant what I said this morning.
Hey, I'm just trying to set a mood.
You know, most of Patty's pieces involve baring some sort of royal flesh.
Now, this isn't on the boards yet.
Picture Prince Willie-boy's head, but on a much hotter body.
You want to take a picture?
You're relentless.
Look, I am... Let me just look at those boards, okay?
I came down here on business.
So let me just take a peek.
Yeah, right.
Editor-in-Chief of Bonfire magazine can't find a bike messenger.
I don't think so.
I should...
Oh, Kirby.
Is your day getting any better?
Where are you?
I'm in the kitchen.
Listen, don't forget Maddie's coming by after school.
She wants to copy her social studies project. Okay?
And, Wendy, you put that book down, didn't you?
You let go of it? Of course.
I can't waste any more time on that stupid book.
I've got piles of dailies to watch
and an actor who wants his trainer
to direct a $70 million feature.
Attagirl. Go get 'em.
Listen, I'm stepping into a meeting, okay?
Love you. Bye.
Want to check that address?
Oh, my God... Where did you...
How did you get this?
This is... How much do you want for it? That's mine.
It's sold. You need mittens?
Sold? Sold to who?
Excuse me, did you... Did you just buy this hat?
I don't know what you paid for it, but I will give you double.
It ain't for sale.
I know that this sounds insane, but this isn't...
This is not just a hat.
It was a part of my final project at FIT,
and those were my glory days.
Do I look like I give a rat's ass?
Yeah. I don't know how it ended up here.
I gave it to my teacher as a gift, but this is definitely my design,
because you can see that these are my initials on the label.
See? VF, that's me.
I'm Victory Ford.
Well, I'm Vera Fang, and this here hat's gonna make all the difference.
Let me just ask you why? Why would you do this?
Mariska?
Who's that?
That is Freddy.
Yo! What's up? I told you this would happen!
Don't raise your voice to me.
Get inside! Go! Come on! Get in! Get inside! Get!
You got no right coming down here.
She don't work for you no more.
So, you're Freddy DeValla, her agent?
We're done talking. I don't work for you, neither.
Listen, if your intention was to frighten me into writing some fat check,
you miscalculated, Big Freddy.
That book's pathetic and ugly, and no one's ever gonna publish it
or make it into a movie.
We already got a publisher, lady. That train left the station.
You can pick up your copy at Barnes and Noble's.
You come any closer, girl, I will soak your ass with pepper spray.
You hear?
What are you doing?
This light is too good to waste.
Kirby...
Don't move.
I'm gonna frame out the face, I promise, but stay put.
Stop. You're embarrassing me.
This is embarrassing you?
Look. Come on. Stop.
Who is this guy?
What?
Your husband.
I mean, how does he let you out of his sight for a minute?
I need 10 more copies, but I stopped
'cause that guy with the mail cart was giving me a dirty look.
Ralph? He has a tic.
Did you eat today?
I'm eating now.
I mean real food. Protein.
This has nuts in it.
Follow me.
Oh, hey, I have an update on the Mariska...
Oh, good. Oh, hey, Maddie.
Hey!
We'll... We'll talk later?
If this is about Mariska's book, you can talk in front of me.
How do you know about that?
You hear a lot in a copy room.
When can I read it?
Never. No one else will, either.
Who's publishing it?
Bainbridge Press.
Of course it is.
That one's yours.
You know someone over there?
Yeah, Madame Satan, Janice Lasher.
Friend of yours?
Enemy.
You have enemies? Sweet. Eat.
Is it too late to make nice?
Mmm-mmm.
Janice Lasher does not do nice.
She's been trashing me for two years
'cause I dumped that horrible book of hers on Hillary Clinton,
which turned out to be a pack of lies.
I pulled out of a bidding war and she's wanted my head on a stick ever since.
Maybe you should send her some brownies. Eat.
Not a bad idea. Might work.
Ben Affleck did Pearl Harbor for a box of steaks.
Hey.
So, I was hoping to get home before my cat dies of starvation.
You can leave.
Are you sure? I mean, it's not really my cat.
Go home. All right? Bye.
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
Do we have a number for Janice Lasher?
I've had a call from Legal
regarding the reconceived layout boards for the Royals.
They're concerned.
Why? Because they're provocative?
Since when do we allow some legal drone
to have a say in our creative decisions?
Since I saw them and also find them objectionable.
Hector, I have to shake up our approach.
If the Prince wants edgy, this is the...
Edgy to the Prince means loafers without socks.
Besides, our readers...
Are not prudes.
Be nice to strip them a bit of our...
Nico, what's gotten into you?
Since when did you become so reckless?
There's a bigger picture here. We have our magazine's integrity to protect.
Change it.
Wendy Healy on Line 2.
Okay.
Hey, Stu, I got to call you back.
This is Janice.
Hey, Janice, it's Wendy Healy.
I know that, I have an assistant. What can I do for you?
Yeah, listen, a work of fiction came across my desk,
a novel by a Mariska...
I already have two bidders.
You want to jump in the fray?
You submitted this book to other studios?
Warners is at 300. What are you offering?
I wasn't calling to make an offer.
What? You want to chit-chat?
Call me in August, hon.
Some of us actually work for a living.
Why would someone keep something that isn't theirs?
Are we back to your hat?
I couldn't have been any more honest.
Back to the hat.
Okay, maybe you need to go back there
and offer himlher $1,000.
It's not about money, Joe. Not everyone can be bought.
She can, five times a day.
Have you never been up 10th Avenue?
So, what are you saying? That I design clothes that appeal to hookers?
It's cold, isn't it?
This hat... This hat stands for something, Joe.
It was a part of the last project I did before I got my first job in the real world.
I get it.
No, I don't think you do.
I grew up in a dead, beige suburb,
just counting the minutes
before I could move to New York and design clothes,
and I wanted to live in a place
where I could dare to be lucky and live out loud.
Forget the $1,000.
Go back to your friend with the hat
and tell her exactly what you just said to me.
You think that would work?
I do, but I'd change the last couple lines.
They were a lot fresher when Susan Hayward said them in 1959.
How do you know that movie?
I'm full of surprises.
Can I kiss you?
Come here.
Will you please turn out the light?
I am reading.
No, you're not.
You're stewing. You've been on the same chapter for the last two hours.
People spend less time studying for the bar.
Shane, this is really bad.
She refers to me as the "polar ice cap."
Wendy, if you let this get to you, you are validating every word.
Now, just throw it in the garbage where it belongs.
She calls you "hetero-flexible."
What? Let me see that. Oh, that's complete crap. Lots of guys moisturize.
So, hon, if we're not gonna get any sleep tonight,
can we at least make it a little bit more fun?
Shane, stop.
Honey, come on. No, come on!
No! No, I cannot handle being screwed by two people at once. Oh, God.
Look at my hands. Honey, I'm shaking.
Take a Xanax. I did. This is me on Xanax.
Any suggestions?
Do we own a Taser gun?
Shane, I can't laugh.
Not everything in here is fiction.
She has an uncanny memory when it comes to our fights.
What fights?
One on the Vineyard.
Over Taylor's birthday party. How would she even remember that?
I don't think she was with us on that trip.
How would she have known?
You know what? We should put it away, okay?
Get some sleep. We both need to get up early in the morning.
Just rest up. Oh, dear.
What's your next move?
Haven't gotten that far yet.
What can I burn in Janice Lasher's face?
I'd say burn her face, but I don't think leather melts.
Suede does. Made that mistake once with a skirt and a blow dryer.
Where are you with the Prince?
Back to scrambling.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's fun to realize you have all the responsibilities and none of the power,
isn't it?
Hello?
Hi.
Yes, that'd be great.
Okay.
Okay, thanks a lot. Bye.
Was that Joe?
No, that was an old friend of mine.
A buyer at Bergdorf wants to know if I have anything new I can showcase.
Vic, that's wonderful.
Yeah, would be, if I did.
Gotta go. Breakfast meeting.
Bye.
You're vibrating.
I'm angry.
Your phone is vibrating.
Oh.
I never want to hurt you.
When this person come to me, she offer so much.
I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry.
She's caving. Will you do it?
Wendy, come on, it... You have to. Please.
Did you sleep at all? Not much.
It's pathetic.
Your boss grew up on fish and chips,
and doesn't even know his native history.
Britain has a long tradition of baring royal flesh.
Yeah, probably to deflect from the teeth.
Seriously, look at Charles II.
He had his favorite court painter
immortalize his mistress with bare breasts.
Really? Why?
To give a message to his subjects.
Dawn of a new era, period of openness, nothing to hide.
The bare body doesn't have to be lewd, Nicky.
It depends on the context.
You might want to put a blouse over them,
because your King Hector is a prude.
Great. Thanks.
That's my hat!
Taxi!
Using Charles II as inspiration,
we see the Prince and his lady representing the dawn of a new era,
a period where... Here, have a look.
There you are! Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
I need your hat. It's a long story.
I grew up in a beige suburb. Bergdorf's wants to see something new,
and I need that hat to get my mojo back.
This hat was a gift.
A gift? Who from?
Oh, that lovely tall girl down the hall.
A little made-up, but very neighborly.
Ma'am, please, just name your price.
You can't wheel and deal in a house of God.
Can we go outside? No, we cannot.
Shame on you, snatching clothes off a widow's back.
I don't want her clothes. I just want her hat.
What are you, an animal?
She can't attend services bare-headed!
I'll make you a new one.
All right.
Shane, come on. The boyfriend is not scary.
I promise you can take him.
I'm not scared.
I just don't think we both need to do this.
Mariska's always had a soft spot when it comes to you.
She thinks you're charming. She thinks you invented toast.
Look, it just feels desperate. I mean, no one who reads this stupid book
is ever gonna believe that's who we are. Now, come on.
I'm not gonna take that chance.
That stupid book portrays me as some selfish monster
who uses her kids as fashion accessories.
There is a whole chapter
about Taylor's rescheduled birthday party.
She completely distorted why I canceled it.
And frankly, I still want to know how the hell she knew about it,
'cause Maddie would never have told her. I...
I told her.
What did you say?
I told her.
Oh, just get in the car. Let's go grab a coffee.
You?
Yes. I didn't think it would end up in a book.
So, let me get this straight.
Basically,
my husband thinks I'm a bad mother.
Will you stop that?
How could you do this to me?
Can we just please go do this someplace else?
Please?
Let's not do it at all.
What? Drive.
Reese, pick up.
Reese, pick up, pick up, pick up.
Hello? Reese!
Hey. I need to make a hat.
When did Klaiman's Ribbons become a Korean deli?
Can I call you back?
Oh, you're at your new job?
Okay, yeah. I'm so sorry.
Not necessary. Good luck!
Nice. I can see the Victory Ford influence,
but you've clearly improved on her look.
How long did you work for her? Three years.
Started as an intern, but she was busy back then,
so she left a lot of the designing to me.
Hi. Hey. What are you doing here?
I won't bother you. I promise.
I'll just check my e-mails and cry softly in the corner.
What's going on?
Nothing.
I just... I really can't go into it,
but I have another hour to kill before the Yizkor service is over.
The what?
The movie. He wants him to direct.
Does this guy have any experience behind a camera?
I mean, besides taping his video workouts?
Not now, Josh, please.
Your husband's here.
Deal with it.
All right. All right. All right.
Hey, Sal.
Oh.
Darling, Mariska and I did not sit around and talk about you.
This was one time. I was pissed off.
I needed to vent and she just happened to be there.
Honey, you ran off to put out some fire on a vampire set in Romania,
and you left me having to tell a three-year-old
that his birthday party had been canceled.
You know that killed me.
Yeah, I do.
You know, this happened two years ago. I would never do that now.
It's just taken a while for me to get used to sharing you with a million other people.
Honey, I don't know what you have to do to put this thing to rest.
I really don't.
If it means taking down this Lasher woman, then, please, do it.
The bottom line is,
Wendy, you're a wonderful mother.
I know that. The kids know that.
Isn't that enough?
I couldn't find anything in the same color, so I just bought this one,
but I'm telling you, my hat is a one-of-a-kind piece.
I spent... I spent three weeks just embroidering the band.
Victory, can I say something?
Not if it's mean.
Sweetie, you're chasing after something you made 10 years ago.
I get it. It feels like you've lost everything,
and in some ways you have, but not your talent.
Starting over is very scary.
It's a huge risk.
But it's also a new beginning. Right?
Hector Matrick, coming in.
Get out.
Go, go, go.
Okay. Okay, okay.
Hector, you remember Victory.
I do. Forgive my intrusion.
No, forgive mine. Great tie.
Bye.
Lan Craig just rang. Prince William signed the contracts.
Glad to hear it. Yes, I'm sure you are,
but you submitted yesterday's boards against my wishes.
Hector... That was a mistake.
I had to trust my instincts.
You gave me this job because you once did, too.
And if this title doesn't come with that privilege,
well, then I shouldn't be here.
Well, well, well, Wendy Healy.
She's not just the title!
Door!
You know, I promised myself I wouldn't negotiate with a terrorist,
but here we are.
Truth hurts, doesn't it?
Look, Janice,
I don't care what you say about me and my job.
You can call me the biggest bitch on the Eastern Seaboard,
but when it comes to my family, you're out of bounds.
Sounds like somebody flunked her "Mommy and Me" class.
What do you really want, Janice?
You got a book you want the studio to buy? Two books? Three?
I sent you a book, hon.
Fine, then put me on the publicity tour.
I want to be the first to say that
I am not the perfect mother.
In fact, there are days that I suck at it, because my job is hard.
It's hard to juggle my family and my work demands,
and God knows if Daddy had to reschedule a birthday party,
no one would think twice.
But what matters is I am there for my son and he knows it.
And what he's gonna remember is that his mom did the best she could.
You must have me confused with your shrink.
If you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
What confuses me, Janice, is why you,
of all people, enjoy bashing other professional women.
Go ahead.
Publish your book.
It'll be your legacy, not mine.
Hold that, please!
Hector.
A lovely suit. Armani?
Fendi.
I spent most of last night slotting other executives into your job.
I even considered recruiting an outsider.
But I gave you your title
because you're one of the gutsiest players on my field.
But even a highly-prized player
must remember they're part of a team with a coach and a game plan.
Your actions affect others, Nico,
so watch your step.
It doesn't take much for a halo to turn into a noose.
Hi. Hello.
Have you eaten?
Not yet. Been caught up with work.
What's that? Lunch.
And something that might make you smile.
Oh, Joe.
"Oh, Joe"?
I just made an 80-year-old woman with a bald spot very rich,
and cold, and I get,
"Oh, Joe"?
You didn't have to do this.
I thought you needed this to get back to work.
I thought so, too.
Why did I have to meet you now?
Two years ago, I was successful.
I was on the top of my game. I had 15 employees and 11 stores,
and now I look like this needy person who always needs to be saved.
What makes you think I'm saving you?
Here, lobster bisque and crab salad.
You couldn't come to Miami. I brought Miami here.
Get back to work.
So, how are things going with Charles? Is it getting any better?
I mean, you know, did you use the massage oil I got you?
Guys, we've been married 17 years.
That's not what she asked.
You know what? Charles is the smartest, kindest, most remarkable man
I have ever known.
She didn't use it.
Have you tried to talk about it? You two talk about everything.
Yeah, everything but. That's the point. I love him. I do, but...
I don't know why we expect to get everything from one person.
I mean, is that fair to them?
Or us?
Nico?
Whoa.
You're not thinking of leaving Charles, are you?
Of course not. I'm just... Oh, just relax.
I'm asking the question.
Aren't we supposed to be having fun?
I mean, you just slayed the dragon.
You've got your mojo back.
Can't we at least get a drink?
Bottle of wine.
Margarita.
I think we have a winner.
Send this one to Page 6.
Tell them to run it with a caption.
"Tsunami for bad mommy."